i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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