i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
