just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
