so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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