i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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