you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
