your thong is hanging out like whoa
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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