You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
