So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Less talking, more tequila
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
