there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
