Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
