Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
this will be a night to untag.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
