Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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