I heard we made out
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
