her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
