i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize