come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
