please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
