just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
