i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
