did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
