We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
