Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
