Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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