dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
