you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
