So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
