it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
