so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
