i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
