so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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