Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
they need to just BURY HIM!
We need to rekindle our bromance
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
