I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
