talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
