He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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