I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
