I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
