Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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