non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
