Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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