I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think i have herpe
just one?
honey bunches of taint.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
