omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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