bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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