thus making me awesome and them whores
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
