How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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