Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
