I wish I could teleport
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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