Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
