just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
