Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
