allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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