I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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