his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
