Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just gift wrapped bread.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
