I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
