Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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