I accidentally burped into my bong.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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