i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
