Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
