I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
