Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
