I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
