So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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