The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
