Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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