Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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