she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
