i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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