we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
