I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
