Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize