party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We are two peas in an std pod
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
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I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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