found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
