Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
