In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
