So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
